Complainin' 'bout Korea
november 05, 2008 11:58am – in Korea
What people should know before moving to Korea.
It's my duty to complain about my life in Korea. I might have mistakenly used this time to complain about Koreans if I hadn't taken a month to consider how to go about it responsibly.
Before I complain about my life, I want to spell out in prose a few things about Korean life in general. And I hope I can do it in a spirit of informativeness, not complaint.
Korean culture will be disturbing for a foreigner. We tend to want to change people's minds because they are living under what we perceive to be misapprehensions and we want to shake them free.
They don't want to be shaken free.
What's disturbing is that Korean daily life is centers on the privilege of being Korean, how to benefit from it, and how to honor the privilege properly. Koreans seem enslaved by societal expectations, and sometimes doomed to lives of duty and unhappiness. On the other hand their government gives them the freedom to choose a different life, and they don't take it. It's deeply frustrating to accept that many of these people don't have any interest in the admittedly flimsy concept we call "freedom," that ties our culture together.
The flimsy concept that ties Korean culture together is called Hyo (효), a concept springing from Confucius meaning "filial piety". There are statues and bells all over the country to remind people about it. Essentially, one must honor one's parents and ancestors in all that one does. Violating the wishes of your parents makes you a disgrace (and many Koreans are exiled to English speaking countries by their parents for this reason). What's more, the Korean language categorizes all people as family. People call their older friends by the word meaning "older brother" and "older sister." Unfamiliar, middle aged people are addressed using the words meaning "aunt," and "uncle." Girls even call their boyfriends by another word meaning "older brother" (one that can only be used by girls).
So in the interest of maintaining proper filial piety, one must honor the wishes of others - often strangers - in almost every aspect of life. This explains many of the facts we Americans find so endlessly frustrating:
-You don't choose your spouse, your parents do. This is fine.
-An aptitude test will determine your career path. You might hate it. This is also fine.
-You must revere your friends who are older than you and do whatever they say. You may not become enraged with them if they abuse you.
-The music on the radio is what Koreans listen to. It's good music because it is Korean.
-Holidays are times to gather the family and display honor to your elders. The young will take great personal pains in looking after the cooking, childcare, cleaning and other chores. It's not a time for enjoyment.
-The concept of a favorite food is irrelevant. Kimchi is the best food. Nothing else compares.
-Korean corporations will preserve the best interests of Korea. It's unpatriotic to question what they do.
And on the subject of foreigners who are beings from outside of a closed, complete, nearly perfect system, someone might say:
-Foreigners are welcome in our cities. They will witness our unity and hospitality with wonderment.
-They don't understand our way of life, and they are endlessly confounded by everything they see here. We must help them.
-Korean food is shocking to foreigners. They are probably not ready for most of the foods we enjoy.
-Foreigners might look upon some of the things we do with consternation. This is due to a lack of fundamental understanding. It's pointless to explain, and best to change the subject.
I'm perilously close to outright complaint here, so I'll cut the list off. Obviously don't take all of this at my word. And it absolutely goes without saying that not all Koreans feel this way.
I really wish I'd read something that had clarified these concept before I got here. Before moving, I thought "I'll diligently study the language, maintain a low profile, and although it's not entirely possible I'll do my best to fit in." Now I know that the last two notions are not just impossible; they're laughable.